how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
