well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
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The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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