Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
