Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
