Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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