I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
