My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
