very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
