Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
