In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
