I just cut my nipple shaving
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
