This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
