I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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