Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
