I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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