my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
