Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
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You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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