I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I need to stop coming to work sober
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
