I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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