you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
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He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
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Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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