dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
