Define "chronic" masturbator.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
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I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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