Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
