i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
