Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
