We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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