Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
