When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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