So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
