Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I got her a Nickelback box set.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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