saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
