i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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