You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
