a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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