He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Randomize
