apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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