How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
