either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
