Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
