I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
