I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
