im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
