Im at strip club and am horny
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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