It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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