the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
