I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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