He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
