home. puking in laundry basket.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
