i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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