And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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