My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
