You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
