Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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