yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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