Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
