I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
