Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
we're so committed to being not committed
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
