I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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