There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
