She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
