But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
