She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
