I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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