i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
