i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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