You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
