3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
it hurts more in the daytime
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
