We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
